Popular Funny Quotes and Sayings

If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts. - Albert Einstein

If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts.

Albert Einstein

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When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. - Albert Einstein

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.

Albert Einstein

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Design is a funny word. Some people think design means how it looks. But of course, if you dig deeper, it's really how it works. - Steve Jobs

Design is a funny word. Some people think design means how it looks. But of course, if you dig deeper, it's really how it works.

Steve Jobs

design funny
Never let your schooling interfere with your education. - Mark Twain

Never let your schooling interfere with your education.

Mark Twain

funny school college education
I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough. - Mark Twain

I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough.

Mark Twain

funny author compliments
Quitting smoking is easy. I've done it a thousand times. - Mark Twain

Quitting smoking is easy. I've done it a thousand times.

Mark Twain

funny habits
The difference between a Miracle and a Fact is exactly the difference between a mermaid and seal. - Mark Twain

The difference between a Miracle and a Fact is exactly the difference between a mermaid and seal.

Mark Twain

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Get the facts first. You can distort them later. - Mark Twain

Get the facts first. You can distort them later.

Mark Twain

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There are three kinds of lies: lies, d--n lies, and statistics. - Mark Twain

There are three kinds of lies: lies, d--n lies, and statistics.

Mark Twain

funny math author
Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it. - Mark Twain

Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.

Mark Twain

weather funny
I've dealt with many crises in my life, but few will ever happen. - Mark Twain

I've dealt with many crises in my life, but few will ever happen.

Mark Twain

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Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. - Mark Twain

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

Mark Twain

government funny
O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet. - Saint Augustine

O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.

Saint Augustine

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Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. - Mark Twain

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

Mark Twain

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Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. - Mark Twain

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

Mark Twain

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All generalizations are false, including this one. - Mark Twain

All generalizations are false, including this one.

Mark Twain

statistics funny

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